sunrise over the beach at Seaton, golden sky, mist on the water

Releasing Myself from What Is Holding Me Back

Hey there! It’s good to see you here. My name is Lizzie, and I am the redhead who is always wondering! Wondering about life, about this beautiful world, about words and light and colour and form. And mostly about how I can be the best me that I can possibly be.

I am a creator of hand bound books and of art, in the form of cyanotypes and photographs. I am also an avid journal-keeper and I’d like to share some of my journal wonderings with you today ….

Lessons From Green Tara

I write in my journal every morning. I start with my affirmations and if the words don’t start to flow straight away, I often draw a card from Kat Shaw’s Goddess Oracle Cards, and I always find inspiration there. Each card depicts one of Kat’s incredibly beautiful Goddess paintings.

There is a card in the Oracle called Green Tara.

She stands for Liberation … when I draw this card, I know that it is time for me to release myself from whatever is holding me back. Kat tells us that when Green Tara shows up for us that it is time for “total and utter honesty”, that it is time to “take a fierce stock check” of our lives and make conscious decisions to “step onto the path of liberty”.

Here’s how Kat describes her original painting …

Green Tara
Kat Shaw’s description of Green Tara

“I am Green Tara.
Divine, embodied Bodhivista.
Goddess of growth and regeneration.
Mother of liberation.
I represent your desire to release the fear you carry.
I will transmute your anxieties.
Your jealousy. Your pride. Your ego. Your anger.
Replacing them with peace.
I am your path to enlightenment.
I walk with you always.”

For me, Green Tara means … Witness … Release … Regenerate … Grow

Here’s what comes up for me when I draw a card for inspiration and Green Tara appears …

Witness

Take a good honest look at what’s holding you back. Really see it. Acknowledge it. Admit to it. You don’t have to tell anyone about this stuff. So often those things that hold us back are things like shame, embarrassment, guilt. We all have them. We are none of us perfect. But just because we may or may not have made an error of judgement in the past, does not mean we have to continue to carry that guilt or shame or embarrassment with us.

It is in the past and it only has power over you if you give it power. Take that power back … you have better uses for it now!

I see them ….

All those years of having it ground into me that I wasn’t good enough.

All those years of believing that I wasn’t good enough.

All those years of believing that I wasn’t enough FULL STOP … not pretty enough, not smart enough, not thin enough, not creative enough, not interesting enough, not sexy enough … just totally not enough of any of the things you’re “meant” to be enough of!!!

All those years of believing all the stories of my life … poor, unloved, unlovable.

I see them.

I see those stories.

I see that pain and disappointment in myself.

I see all those wounds.

Release

It’s time to let that shit go …

I am not defined by those wounds.

I am not defined by my past bad choices.

I am not that ground-down, anxious person any longer.

I am not the People Pleaser who didn’t know how to say “no”, and who said “yes” when she meant “no”, because then people would like her / love her / accept her / want her.

I am not the scared girl.

I’m a grown-ass woman and I don’t have to carry that stuff around with me anymore.

I cut the energetic cords that held me to the past. I slice through the barbed wire bonds that held me tethered to a way of thinking about myself that came from other people, and not from my core.

I need to thank Gemma James here for her amazing From Fear To Freedom course, which helped me to do just that. If you’d like to join Gemma’s Collective you can do it here (I’m an affiliate, so I will earn commission if you do join, but it won’t cost you any more!)

a barbed wire fence

All those negative ideas I have carried for so long, they no longer serve me.

So, I release them. I let them go. I free myself from all those fears … of being abandoned, belittled, denigrated, laughed at, unloved … I release them all. They are no use to me. I’m not available for any of that crap, and I damn well refuse to give them power over me any longer.

I am done with living in the past.

I am done with feeling like I am not enough.

Because, do you know what?

I AM enough. I am more than enough. I am a strong, vital, talented, smart, creative woman, and I can do anything I want to do. I can be anything I want to be.

Ritualizing the Release Process

There are lots of different ways you can ritualize this to make it more defined in your mind.

Meditate on it … now, you may be one of those lucky people who finds meditation easy, and if you can do it, then this is a wonderful way to release negative thought patterns that no longer serve you. I’m not that good at meditating, I won’t lie. I think I’m too impatient (but that’s another story!!). My form of meditation is to write in my journal, which leads neatly onto the next thing that can help you ritualize the release process …

journal it out

Journal it out, then score through the pages … I have used this technique and it can be quite cathartic.

I’ll write and write and write until all the negativity, all the anger, all the hurt are down on the page, then I draw a big X through it!

Write a letter … to the person who hurt you, or to your younger self, forgiving them, understanding that they (and you) were doing the best they could in the moment (remember other people’s “best” may be your “bloody awful”, but that’s none of your business!). Then tear it up, burn it, bury it in the garden. Do whatever it takes for you to symbolically release those feelings.

So, now it’s time to regenerate ….

Regenerate

Turn your focus inward. Turn your mind towards the notion that you can regenerate those broken or wounded parts of yourself. Turn your heart towards sending healing love throughout your body and mind.

Our internal world is our garden. We can choose to nurture it, to feed it and tend to it, to shine our light of love on it, and allow those parts of ourselves which may have felt barren and arid to grow new life, to blossom, to be so much more fertile than we ever dreamed possible.

That is what I am doing now. I am regenerating. I am putting down roots. I am expanding my horizons.

I am regenerating the confidence that was beaten out of me.

I am regenerating the self-belief I had as a young child that I could be anything … those days when I was fearless!!

I am regenerating that courage.

I am regenerating mySelf.

Marilyn Monroe, eat your heart out
just a girl on a Massey

Grow

You’ve planted your seeds; you’ve allowed your hurt and wounded parts of yourself to heal.

It’s now time to grow.

It’s now time to let those parts of ourselves we’ve kept hidden, grow into the light.

It’s time to be brave, to say, I am here, this is me, and I am enough!

my garden, lush with life

I am growing every day. I am pushing past my comfort zone. I am making myself visible.

I am growing as a person; I am growing my business; I am growing connections.

I am growing into the person I am meant to be, and I like her, she’s pretty cool.

I am growing my perfect life.

The seed of my peacefully abundant life is inside me and I am nurturing it.

Now.

And I am free.

I am so happy, and I am so grateful for this amazing life I have. That scared “me” that I mentioned earlier … she would never have believed that she could get to be this happy!!

I have come a long way in this journey, but the cycle of Witness … Release …  Regenerate … Grow … it doesn’t stop. It is a life-long journey, deeper and deeper into myself. And there is always something new to learn.

This is me!

If you’d like to know more about me, and my hand bound books, and my journaling journey, and maybe get some tips for your own journaling process, why not sign up for my Wonders out of a Redhead Newsletter. You can sign up here … Wonders out of a Redhead Newsletter

If you would like to know more about Kat Shaw and her wonderful Goddess art, then why not check her out on Facebook and Instagram … her gorgeous goddesses will brighten up your social media feeds!

Or you could pop over to her Etsy shop … go on … you deserve it!!

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